Wednesday, 12 August 2009

The Autumn Leaf

"The autumn leaf in my hand:
 Wrinkled cheeks
 On a grandmother's face"

12/08/09

[Early in the morning,arriving at NDU,a dry yellow tree leaf which I picked
of the floor and laid in the palm of my hand, reminds me suddenly,
 of the inevitable fact of old age and death.]

9 comments:

  1. this was a nice writing but isnt it a little bit personal... i mean haiku - as far as i know - is supposed to recall the image of things in unexpected imagery! maybe? i felt personal message in this piece although a very nice and well done piece... right Doc?! lol

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  2. Nice to hear from you Jowel B. When I write haiku, I just put into few words what I perceive at that very moment, might be personal or not, I don't think about it. Maybe you felt my fear about growing old or the fear of losing my grandmother,I don't know.
    Anyway, thank you for your comment.I appreciate it.

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  3. Hi Jowell,

    Yes, you have a point, but some Japanese Haiku, even by Basho, had some "personal touch" in them. I personally try to keep away from involving the reader in my details.
    What about if Carla had said:

    "The autumn leaf in my hand
    Reminds me of a grandmother's
    Wrinkled cheeks"

    Then we would have both: the sense of aging and death (in all of the natural world) in a non-personal (I don't want to say "impersonal") way, plus the surprise factor in the last line.

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  4. I'm very pleased by all your comments. I would like to make the variation as suggested by Dr Jahshan.
    Thank you all.

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  5. If you want to keep the comma/semi-colon (or even a colon) after "hand," I can also suggest this variation:

    "The autumn leaf in my hand:
    Wrinkled cheeks
    On a grandmother's face"

    (otherwise the comma is inappropriate)

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  6. i believe now that satisfies all parties eh? hehe anyhow u keep on penning and if intrested please visit my page on http://allpoetry.com/inspired%20torture
    and maybe u can sign in too... cu there i hope!

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  7. I'll be DELIGHTED !!!!!!!!!!
    Thank you Jowell !!

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