Monday, 23 November 2009

Parting

The long journey home;
Tears on her face
Run like diamonds in the sun

July 6, 1999

8 comments:

  1. I loved the image of tears looking like diamonds. But I remember Jowel's comment about the Autumn Leaf haiku of being personal. Isn't it the case here ? If a haiku can be personal, does it require any explanation text ? Thanx

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  2. Well, yes, it starts as personal, as the two persons in question are in a bus, on a summer day, going to the airport where two planes would fly in opposite directions. But the touching moment, purely personal, is transformed into another beautiful (in the full sense of "beauty") image which is superimposed on the scene, as the sun rays twinkle in the silently falling tears and make them appear like diamonds. The person's beauty and the sincerity of her emotions are fixed forever in this unforgettable sight.

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  3. A haiku cannot be "too" explanatory because it wouldn't allow the reader to identify with the image. Suggestiveness must be preserved, and a little guessing as to the what, where, when, who, and why of the scene is important. But it's not only a "tactical" move directed to the reader; the writer is suggestive to him/herself as well, as the move from the specific to the general is made. Paradoxically, the essence of the haiku is in its evasiveness.

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  4. I'm not sure, but I think it's better said : The long journey home; Tears run on her face/ Like diamonds in the sun .

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  5. Tears on her face
    and
    Tears run on her face

    The first one is more suspenseful, as the reader is drawn first to the tears on the face, then to the movement (run), then to the diamonds;
    The second one, I think, spoils the surprise?

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  6. Right. Nice. Like a wave. Thanks ! :-)

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