Saturday, 12 June 2010

Scene

Books and papers all over the desk;
In my hands
A heavy head.

6 comments:

  1. Have mercy on me
    it's my first Haiku Kiss

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  2. No Mercy !!

    Books and papers all over the desk;
    In my hands
    A heavy head

    :-)

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  3. Nice, for a first time!

    If I had to comment, I would say it is a little bit self-centered: The first line is good, but the second keeps the reader out of the picture.

    I'm not saying that one shouldn't talk about oneself in a haiku, but there must be a space for the other to jump in and participate.

    Basically, a haiku is a tool for enlightenment, and the haiku writer, through his/her own experience (you can and "should" be present, even if obliquely), is helping readers participate in the same moment which so strongly left a mark on him/her.

    So there must have been, in the first place, a "spark of discovery," something which made you say "aha!" on seeing something or experiencing something.

    The resulting haiku describes this flash of understanding and also--and this is crucial--attempts to pass on this flash to the reader, who should, ideally, also feel a similar "aha!" for it to be successful.

    Carla's version gets this right!

    :-)

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  4. Thank you Paul, u r always there when i need you :)

    As for Carla, i say your 'No Mercy' is so much appreciated. Thank you

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  5. Here's Version 1, so the remarks will be useful to those willing to learn. And in case someone will read this post and wonder what was the original post:

    Books and papers all over the desk;
    i'm the man holding his headache

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  6. I miss these precious haiku lessons!
    Thanks.

    About Red haiku, the picture was not very clear to me. It's like a modern abstract painting. Maybe each one should see it differently.

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