Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Tap Dance

Tap dance in the kitchen?
The boiling water
Is shaking the pan's lid!

15/06/2010 

5 comments:

  1. Keep the surprise for the last line (after all, you were surprised yourself!):

    Tap dance in the kitchen?
    The boiling water
    Is shaking the pan's lid!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love it ! The strange thing is that it happened so many times but I never saw it in this way; the lid starts moving up and down while whistled music like a flute playing comes out through the opening.. and a tap dance..
    Thanks.

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  3. Sometimes I get confused when I write a haiku, which sentence to put first or last. Here I thought the surprise is in the tap dance idea.
    But I like how you did it. We should play more with the style. It's not very easy though. It needs a lot of practice and haiku reading.

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  4. Yes, it was a great haiku to begin with.

    As Pascal did, though, could you put the original version in the comments so there's a way to see how changing the order of images can make a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sure :-)

    The boiling water
    Shakes the pan's lid
    Sounding like tap dancing

    Thanks :-)

    ReplyDelete