Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Paradox

People partying
While cannons echo everywhere
The paradox of Lebanon

6 comments:

  1. Nice one, Ramy. It's clear that you're able to "catch" the "moment," usually a paradoxical one where an incident or a sight/sound/etc is not "exactly where/what it should be." You show this understanding here in your use of the word "paradox."

    My main comment for this and the other haiku posted is that you may want to allow the reader to reach her own conclusions by just hinting at the meditative outcome, i.e., you have noticed the paradox/irony/surprise of the moment, and you have reached your own conclusions; try to re-package this moment (which you do quite well), but without your imposition of a necessary outcome. In other words, send the "bait," but leave the invitation open!

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  2. Thanks a lot for the comment Paul, it would have been better then to use the reality of Lebanon instead of the paradox of Lebanon perhaps to leave the reader guessing for the outcome.

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  3. A good one. Can I quote it?
    Belinda

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  4. Hi Ramy, nice enthusiasm! I understand the pleasure that haiku brings! :-)
    You know, of what I learned already, you could twist and adjust haiku, remove or add words (of course keeping the meaning of the moment intact), in order to leave something for the reader to "guess" or visualize. If I may suggest an example, hope you don't mind,

    Paradox

    Loud music
    Reaching the skies
    Where echoes of cannons spread down (or fall down)

    I may not settle on this one, so I might say:

    Late night music
    And echoes of cannons:
    In synchronization

    All these lessons are in the comments on this blog and in the Handbooks of Paul.
    Ciao :-)

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  5. P.S. The examples of haiku in my previous comment are not necessarily the "right version." "Sending the "bait," but leaving the invitation open!" (for suggestiveness, I think) as Paul said, is very difficult to do in some haiku.

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  6. Hi Ramy, I quoted your two haiku in my blog 'Literary Boutique'.
    Regards, Belinda

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