Saturday, 8 December 2012

Haunted Mountain

Menacing skies:
The empty swing
Goes back and forth

07/12/2012

4 comments:

  1. Nice, but why "invisible sky"? I didn't get it. Are you saying the sky was gray and boring? Or did you mean the wind? Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, the sky was hiding behind a thick gray envelop; stormy weather .. and I thought that the word invisible gives the "scary" sensation to the haiku :)

    Would you prefer:

    A gray sky;
    The lonely swing
    Goes back and forth

    ReplyDelete
  3. If you want scary, what about this:

    Menacing skies:
    The empty swing
    Goes back and forth

    "Empty" looks more sinister than "lonely" which is more "romantic."

    Skies in plural more interesting than sky, and also more frightening

    Colon better than semi-colon as it says "look!" and is not merely a pause.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOW!!! Impressive explanation!! I take it :) Thank you!

      So, before modification:

      An invisible sky;
      The empty swing
      Goes back and forth

      After modification:

      Menacing skies:
      The empty swing
      Goes back and forth

      Delete